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How to punish a child
By Mary Francen
They say it
takes a village to raise a child, and well that is true to certain point, it
takes a “family” to raise a “child”. Weather that is a single parent or
a two person “couple” a “family” is what ever you make of it.
For me part of
being in a “family” means a lot of different things of course there is the
love and cuddles and play times, and all the normal things that go along with
being in a family, there is also the nasty yucky times when a “child” needs
to be punished.
For me anyway
and keep in mind that no two “children” are the same so what works for one
may not work for the other. Of course there are a lot of different ways you can
punish a child, being told off for instance can often times bring some children
to tears, “myself included in that”
There is the
making one sit in a chair bare bottomed while writing something, and also
sitting on the couch and not moving for a certain amount of time while doing
nothing! Or worse yet having to stay in your room on the bed! Getting sent to
bed early “Oh how I hate that one both the Big me and lil me hate that one,
because usually there is no story to go with that one making it even worse”.
That one will often bring out the lil me even if it is Big me that is
being sent to bed because I am sick or something, it makes me feel extremely
little being sent to bed early!
Of course
there are things like taking away the day’s sticker, thus prolonging the
special treat for the week, washing out someone’s mouth with either soap or
something even nastier like oh I don’t know Listerine “I personally find
that stuff much worse tasting giggle than soap :)”.
This
is one of those instances where not every punishment will work on every
“child”. To some children getting their mouth washed out with soap would be
the final solution to something, however I have had it done to me several times,
and sadly it did not have the desired effect.
Those are
things that come to mind as what we all think of when punishing a “child”
there are other things that can be done as well, giving a spanking, and taking
there temperature “the old fashioned way” afterwards, giving them an enema,
here is something I bet you might not have thought of, give them a big spanking
and than sit them down at the table to “color or do a puzzle or something that
requires sitting watching TV etc.” they think the major punishment is over
however it will cause them to keep thinking about what ever it was that they
were just punished for. “I saw this idea in a story”. And I have to say the
lil side of me hopes this one stays just in a story giggle.
However I feel
that you have to keep in mind that when punishing a “child” it must always
be done with love and caring for the “child” and with their best interests
in mind. Anyone can pull a “child” over his or her lap and spank them. But
there is a right and wrong way to punish a “child” at least in this little
girls mind and heart there is.
Whether your
going to spank me, put me time-out what ever the punishment is going to be, I
need to know that I am still loved even before the actual punishment happens.
And I believe that all little ones need this!
For me when I
get in trouble as a lil especially I need to be explained to why I am in
trouble, I need to feel love and understanding and know that once I have been
punished all will be ok again. And I need to hear the words your forgiven and I
love you.
I hate to get
Uncle or Daddy “not happy” with me especially lil me, and that alone can get
me in tears, so that has to be dealt with
before
the punishment can even happen so that I know what I am actually being punished
for so that the lesson can be learned. I believe that all “children” need
these components to be part of the punishment for the lesson to be learned fully
and for them to know of your love while it is being done even though at the time
some “children” may see you as being a “meanie”.
Being punished
is something that must happen to all “children” to help them to grow and
learn and to be safe in there environments.
But
it has to be done in the same loving way that the rest of your relationship is
done with said “child”.
While I
personally have never called Uncle or Daddy a “meanie” for punishing me it
does happen with some “children” it is just there way of expressing emotions
that they do not understand yet. They may not have understood why you; the
person who has given them the hugs and cuddles they love so dearly, has suddenly
just given them a big spanking and yelled at them or they may just plain be
scared or in pain. And they saw that you the same person who has taken away
their owies with hugs and kisses gave these owies.
In either case
it doesn’t mean that they “Really” think in their heart of hearts that
you’re a meanie of course just right then while said punishment is happening
they don’t particularly understand what is going on. That is why it is so
important that any punishment always be done with their best interests in mind
and with all of your love for that “child” in mind at all times.
Once you have
punished the “child” you must show them that they are still your special
little one and that all is forgiven this is just as important as all lessons in
the world for this is one of the most important lessons that you can teach your
“child”.
A “child”
is the most important thing you will ever have in your life. And it takes a huge
amount of responsibility, love, patience, understanding, compassion, and yes
“meaniness” to “raise a child”.
Not
all of us “little ones” will be so open about what it is they want or need
they may not even know themselves, from their “parents” especially in the
early stages of things. So it also takes some guess work as well. Or as this
“little one calls it Uncle and Daddy magic”.
Or
in other words the ability to sort of “read your little ones mind”.
Sometimes
things happen where it is not really a good time for them to happen or it is
also simply not going to prove a lesson to your “little one” by punishing
them for something that has happened. This in itself can cause confused feelings
in your “little one” at the time, and may bring about feelings and things
that you may have to discuss with them when either one of you is not feeling so
upset. So again that comes back to
that “grownup magic” that you must some times have.
