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Jealousy
what is it, how do ya deal with it?
By Mary Francen
This
is one of those assignments that Uncle doesn’t know about my doing, but it is
something that I chose to right about because well I didn’t really understand
this particular emotional word until today.
I
saw something innocent and to be honest which wasn’t even my business to be
seeing and instead of just asking about it, I just ignored it, and suddenly my
wonderful mood went black.
I
felt sick to my tummy had a headache and wanted to cry and rip things up all at
the same time. I wanted to run and hide, and scream and yell. And yet I had no
idea why. And this made no sense to me. At least not to big me it didn’t.
All
I knew was suddenly I was in a VERY bad mood when I had been in a wonderful
mood. The tantrum came when little me took over and it took me a long time to
figure out just what had happened and why it happened.
Big
me is not a jealous person at all. I am not one of those who must “keep up
with the Jones” however it seems that “little me has this quality about her,
or at least where Uncle is concerned she does.
I
was not even aware of what it felt like to be jealous of something or someone,
until this past morning. And it
took me all day to get up the ability to talk with Uncle about it.
Yes
this is something that is a peeve of his speaking with him when I am upset about
something and not letting it fester.
Yet
I was not “mad” at him, and yet I did not know what this was that I was
feeling, nor did I know how to tell it to him. So how could I talk to him about
it.
Well
I finally did talk to him about it and he told me what it was that I was feeling
and I will tell you all that I wasn’t to happy finding out what it was. Being
that I am not a jealous person finding out that “little me” is jealous well
that did not make me a very happy camper.
Now
here is my big question how do I deal with “little me being jealous”?
Uncle’s
advice to me was that eventually little me was going to have to realize that she
is going to have to share him with his other responsibilities etc. and while
this of course makes perfect sense to big me, how in the world does one make
that happen?
He
had me reread something I wrote earlier and showed me that while I grew up
little me did not and that the jealousy was always there just buried along with
other emotions that I couldn’t deal with or understand. But this doesn’t
really help me to get her to understand that there is no need for that
particular “emotion”.
I
have found that wanting things that other have doesn’t make you any better off
in life, in fact it usually makes you miserable having watched people I have
known in the past who were jealous of others become absolutely miserable as they
attempted to “keep up with the Jones”.So how do I get her to see that?
Well
the tantrum was dealt with in the only way that a tantrum can be dealt with over
uncle’s lap bare bottomed for a long and painful spanking.
However
the jealously thing didn’t even get mentioned till after the spanking because
I hadn’t gotten the ability to talk about it to him till long after the
spanking was over.
While
the initial “naughty” was dealt with, and I was forgiven by uncle for the
storming off tantrum, the underlying cause was still there and remains there.
How
do I come to terms with the fact that my little is someone who is not anything
like me? Does this mean that I am going to find myself over Uncle’s lap a lot
more for things that I would never find myself doing as a big?
When
I age-play I am in control one hundred percent and I am never jealous nor nasty
towards people however “little me” is not me role-playing, and as such I am
not in control of “her actions”, she is a child as uncle said to me last
night, so does this make it a normal thing? “shrugs even more confused now
than when she started this assignment”. I guess this is one thing I may not
know the answer too for a long time to come.
